relief on cue

i feel unburdened today... more like almost at the rest of God yet not quite... but enough to know that there is hope for the coming days... thank you, dear Lord. like these bats gathered at the quiet corner of the churchyard, waiting for dusk to come so they can fly and roam, i am waiting, too. for further instructions...i am in a settled mode. where all seems okay. i can do what i have to do the usual way i do them and not be bothered by doubts. when even if they come they get filtered thru the general air of wellness around me... mixing with the atmosphere until they seem to not exist... this is new to me. is this the rest of God? the place where i am in His arms? i believe so. how apt that yesterday's homily during the mass talks about something similar. the priest said that every time we pray the Our Father, we raise our hands to God, do we not? well, just like a little tired child asking to be carried in his/her father's arms... we say, "Papa, carry me." or "Tatay, karga mo ko." to God, our Loving Father so we could rest a while. it feels nice. so, i'll savor the moment... soon, He's gonna tell me: " run along now... it's time to continue..." yet somehow, i am torn between the serene now and the exciting soon; between boasting His blessings and wanting to be humble. oh well! i'll just wait for His cue...

rain lessons and then some

last saturday, there was a sudden downpour. the kind that seem to be a storm. strong winds, thunder and lightning. i was busy blogging and emailing that i just enjoyed the cool wind and the smell of rain. i didn't know that something happened that will make an impact in my brain. it was only the monday after that i noticed... an neighbor's tree lay halfway across our yard... split in half... made me realized that standing tall doesn't necessarily mean strength. next to the bamboo grove the ancient mabolo tree stood tall and proud... now it lay broken and in pieces. made me think about humility. yesterday, i had one of those doubting moments. somehow in the midst of my thoughts, God seem to tell me... " did you not wished for rain earlier and am i not giving it to you know." gulay! i did asked for rain earlier to cool things and at that moment of doubt and uncertainty, it indeed was raining... so God can't solve the bigger issues but He go give me something to be thankful for the moment... made me think of an article that tells of insulting God every time one doubts... so there... i resolved to stop insulting God... to place my trust in Him... to entirely place my trust on Him... look at that! the rain carry with it two lessons for me... humility and trust... both very difficult to acquire... how i really love the rain! but it hasn't really rain that much during what is supposed to be the rainy season... it always rain on my bday month. so i'll hope for that. :) "stop hoping for something you can't have!" i just told my sister that and it hit me... i been like hoping for things as such lately... my gulay! am i that so scattered brain lately that i can't focus on the obvious? i've been preachy lately about the goodness of God... not to get me wrong... God is indeed being great and all... i think it's me that got too excited and boastful... of His blessings to me... tsk... tsk... the greatest of sin! pride indeed never sleeps! i believe God made me miss a lot of steps lately to humble me. to remind me that i am still in a process not yet ready... not quite perfect. so today i resolve on a couple of things: i will do the exact opposite of what i fear and doubt and i will try to be of help to someone in need. if only to make amends. so, i continue to take this journey of faith... trusting God... completely.

The Fall

today, i fell. almost hitting ground.

the negative forces around me getting into my system... darkening my day.

i so don't need them.

i feel like an oyster in a beach full of crabs... the only one trying to make a pearl...

anyhow, luckily, i haven't hit anything yet... i still get to turn around and count to ten and never did something that i'll regret.

i guess, you can't really crave the rose if you don't want to touch the thorns, huh?

so, i'll just go say a prayer for them crabs and hopefully, i'll succeed in making a pearl out of things... God is with me on this, i'm sure of it!

thankful

07-07-07. for everyone it's a blessed day. for me it's a day to remind myself to press on... lots of people celebrating, birthdays and weddings. and events like the live earth concerts all around the world are sked for today, christina aguilera, too has one here in the philippines. and a week long meteor shower will start today. only i didn't see the shows because i don't have tickets, and i didn't see the meteors because it's cloudy today. but still i am thankful. why? because God has given me little things to brighten the day...

i woke up early enough and recalled a great dream,

the boxes we ordered were delivered quite promptly, i found the bank slip that was needed so badly, i get to go and get the pictures i had developed, i get to have me eyes checked for a new pair of glasses, and i get to visit the Blessed Sacrament at the adoration chapel, and that was just in the morning... :) coming home... i was hoping for some vegetables for lunch and what do we have? corn soup, a favorite... sweet! on tv, was the tribute concert for princess diana, and the uaap opening ceremonies, i get to work on a gown and found that my creative force is back, i need not worry about how to squeeze time to go to the grocery because someone else was going, a client is happy with her gown, cousins came over to spend time, and in between it all i get to remember and pray for one great soul born today whom i have the privilege of knowing. i guess it is true that if you count all the blessings you have no matter how little they seem at first... you will be overwhelmed with how many little happy thoughts you have...ordinary days doesn't seem quite ordinary after all. a great day to give back to God, super thank you, Lord! :)

new moon

cloudy skies. i am in a phase again... a lull. i believe i need to think for a while. but aren't i in constant thought? see the picture? a new moon. to begin anew. erase the negativity before it gets comfy. i like that! today, though... i just had a disappointment. though it doesn't seem to be... maybe it is the enemy telling me that i will be dropping back to my old thinking. i feel too uncertain to define the feeling... but i would like to cast them out... stop! stop! stop it! i so don't need you! go away! will that work? hopefully. but i believe i can manage... God is with me on things... so i go do what i do best. pray! and press on forward... be the special being that i always am... see things no one takes time to see... for " i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." wow! i feel so much better already... thank you po, Lord!