thank you

thank you
Originally uploaded by jdthinker

"i used to be indecisive, but now i'm not so sure." --- unknown

... read that from a newspaper article the other day... kinda relate to it... almost at the end of the year and i'm still most uncertain about many things... and yet i am not worried... not anymore... nothing certain but uncertainty and yet in it, i know God is with me... :)

to someone who've set me on this soul journey, super thank you...

and to God for planning this grand year of a journey... thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, dear Lord! please continue to travel on with me... may i one day be of worth to do things for Your glory. :)

yey! found another lea

JEPROKS (Laki Sa Layaw) LEA SALONGA

[via FoxyTunes / Lea Salonga]

yey! found one song at least from the wonderful songs from home concert... of course there is no video but... i can almost feel i'm there just by listening... galing!

christmas octave, entry1

an import from my other blog... same thoughts just different dates... :) a couple of days after christmas... my room is an exquisite mess... wrapped and unwrapped gifts... half given, half to be given away... stuffs i have to do for work and school... my laundry, both clean and dirty... my meds and foodies... my sketches and other art stuffs...scattered in every possible place i could put them on... waiting for me to fix things up... they have to wait light years... but look at me... i have time to make a blog entry... christmas day was absolutely busy/eventful/hilarious... i have to be in three family gatherings in three different places...(four if you count the first stopover) have to be up as early as 5am and off at 6am... was home close to midnight... my body was weary i was totally sleepy but everytime i remember the moments i laugh and smile my secret smiles... i will give a more detailed entry next time... for now, i only wanted to write something of this really lovely feeling of hopefulness and wonderment... a written super thank you to the wonderful God that planned this wonderful year of a journey... my utmost gratitude, Lord to your greatness... your graces and love for me, my fam, my kins and my friends and my good friends and my real good friends and everyone who's been part of my world... thank you , thank you, thank you, thank you , thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!!! i have nothing more to say... you know me and my secret smiles... please continue to travel with me... blessed be God forever.

love lea

LEA SALONGA: SONGS FROM THE SCREEN CONCERT (LIVE!)

[via FoxyTunes / Lea Salonga]

i love lea salonga... all her songs and performances... got all her albums and especially enjoys listening to her live performances... but never get to watch her except during her musicals... would very much love to one day watch her in concert ... i do not like the video here but it's all i can find.. i can't find the OPM song i particularly like... from her songs from home concert... maybe another time... so just close your eyes and listen to the songs and feel lea singing to you... you'll feel like you're there... watching her. bravo, lea!

christmas harmony

I made this music player at MyFlashFetish.com.
2 day before christmas and much still to do and prep... my unworried self puzzles me... my silent friend, even more... but my trust in God sustains me and tells me that there is something more in all these... amidst the shopping and bustling... lights and tinsels, christmas trees and lanterns...... shopping... gift giving and parties... feast and reunions... there is indeed something more... i know that for me to receive my gift... i have to give a part of me... like all these songs i found... written for many different emotions and moments... all telling of one thing... love. have a merry, merry christmas! remember that God loves you and me... that is why we celebrate christmas...

feel it in the air...

Where are you Christmas Why can't I find you Why have you gone away Where is the laughter You used to bring me Why can't I hear music play My world is changing I'm rearranging Does that mean Christmas changes too Where are you Christmas Do you remember The one you used to know I'm not the same one See what the time's done Is that why you have let me go Christmas is here Everywhere, oh Christmas is here If you care, oh If there is love in your heart and your mind You will feel like Christmas all the time I feel you Christmas I know I've found you You never fade away The joy of Christmas Stays here inside us Fills each and every heart with love Where are you Christmas Fill your heart with love one of my favorite christmas songs... from the soundtrack of the grinch... sang by one of my favorite female artists... faith hill.... love the movie, too... a little over a week before christmas... much of the bustle of the season is underway... i may be feeling a bit under the weather but i know God has grand plans for me... i can just feel it... even if i question some things... i know... all is well... what is christmas? a season, a date, a day... the time where most businesses boom, a busy time at work or break from school... vacation, parties, reunion with friends, family gatherings... shopping for, giving and exchanging gifts, singing carols, putting up christmas trees, hanging parols/ lanterns, twinkling bright colored lights everywhere, setting up a nativity scene/belen... simbang gabi or misa de gallo, noche buena... bibingka, puto bumbong, queso de bola, hamon, etc... one way or another each of these activities makes us feel the spirit of christmas...hope, joy, peace and love... it is Jesus' birthday... born anew in each of our hearts... even if the manger is empty, may your hearts not be! a blessed season to all! :)

unsleep and a memory

*** this is a blog import from the other night's entry in my other blog... i can't sleep and would at least want to write a bit... i found the getty museum website the other day helping my sister research something and found a copy of the wonderful painting of the moon that i saw there last summer... it's an inspiration i would like to be able to replicate someday... i wonder when... i don't have anything else to write just that i am in phase where thinking and sleeping want one thing and the other or the same thing... work demands my energy and a new illness is claiming my body... the season of stress also beckons and yet i remain unworried except for the two letters that calls attention ever so often... flickr remain a wonderful distraction... christmas is so near and i am excited with the many possibilities it's going to bring... i remain trusting in God's wonderful plan for me... content with the unworried now and the worried somehow... mostly smiling my many secret smiles...

amihan and me

from the east i heard the foghorn screamed it's 5pm... suddenly someone came to mind... i dismissed it... outside the northeast monsoon wind... locally called hanging amihan... blows mightily... tossing everything it can... i wanted to go out and feel it on my skin but things kept me inside... it does seeps into every nook and cranny and the air's rather chilly... looking like it's going to rain but not exactly... it has been haunting since i woke up... maybe even during the night... wanting me to write... and yet there is nothing at all that is of interest to write about... just this unworriedness i've been having... i only have a short worry list now... just two letters... but i guess... the shadow of uncertainty wanted clarity... so it is claiming my attention... in an instant flash of melancholy i almost dropped to sulking mode but... i read something from a book which made me think otherwise... i am still under repair, i still have some questions... i still get impatient... but one thing is certain... God is not going to let me drop back... He is, after all, my strength. "you get impatient with your own life, trying to master a habit or control a sin -- and in your frustration begin to wonder where the power of God is. be patient. God is using today's difficulties to strengthen you for tomorrow. he is equipping you. the God who makes things grow will help you bear fruit. dwell on the fact that God lives within you. think about the power that gives you life. the realization that God is dwelling within you may change the places you want to go and the things you want to do today. do what is right this week, whatever it is, whatever comes down the path, whatever problems and dilemmas you face -- just do what's right. maybe no one else is doing what's right,but you do what's right. you be honest. you take a stand. you be true. after all, regardless of what you do, God does what is right: He saves you with His grace." --- Max Lucado

title change

i started this blog with loving the rain... i love it still and the moments and memories it brings... but since having this soul vacation... i have written more than just rain lessons and memories... i thought it best to change the title... chancing upon my sister reading lea salonga's blog on multiply... i got inspired by her blog title... so... i sort of adapted it... because mostly... these thoughts are about the many things i see, sense, think and believe... the many selves and pieces of me... hoping to finally be whole... with God's help and grace. interestingly, one of the songs that inspired me to set on this journey is also from lea... do you hear it -- from her inspired album... okay... so, she has inspired me in more ways than one... thank you, ate lea!

a sort of epic dream

i fell asleep early this afternoon... only did a bit of work... even now... i am part sleepy... during that nap... i had a dream... i can't really be certain... it was one of those fast-paced ones that you figure yourself into and then realize it's just a dream... in it were people i know... some friends, relatives and celebrities... one particular part disturbs me... in this part a friend who was gay(in real life and in the dream) was helping us enter a sort of club... he seems to have a past with the guy on the front door and they have a little discussion... then the next scene we were inside.. there we were... a couple of friends, cousins and a celebrity whom i can't remember the name but i really like. she sits next to me on the lounge... we were reading a letter written by my gay friend and it was a deep and apologetic letter... regretting his mistakes and some other... i'm not sure but it seems to make sense in the dream... seem to be saying goodbye to us... then i told them..."i don't think it's the end... there is something more in this..." then the partition between rooms slid open and a former classmate who seem to be the club owner emerges... he said... oi! to us because he seem to recognize us then... he said wait ... i had a feeling that my gay friend will be appearing soon... indeed, he does! silhouetted behind the curtain... he seem to be in sort of a ritual or surgical operation... then he said something about removing his member, too... so it won't be a problem anymore... we watched the scene... all of us there... the celebrity... who is particularly close to me in the dream... hugs me... and i held her... she was crying... somewhere in me, i felt she's in love with my gay friend (i silently felt repulsive but my loyalty to my friends remained...)so... there we were watching... he being dis-membered... then because of loosing too much blood... he dies...(i was sort of relieved, i'm not sure why) but then... something emerges from the body (and this is very vivid in my mind right now...) a sort of monster... greenish-black thing - similar looking to those in the species movie... the male being was being taken away... then another one a female... revealed herself and took him back... at that moment, i sensed my celebrity friend weeping more intensely... as we held each other... and then it was revealed that there was a smaller being... an offspring of the two... somehow i felt that it was me... my celebrity friend looked at me and we both weeped most uncontrollably... i'm not sure what happened after... i do not think that my gay friend lived or resurrected... but i am certain that the 3 beings... father, mother and child were together somehow... a revelation in a way.... i have no idea. all i'm certain is it feels almost dejavu... like that was my past life... so maybe, i am a product of a gay man and a beautiful celebrity... of a relationship that can not be... a monster that is not to be... but in the dream... i felt intense love coming from my celebrity friend... i also realized that, maybe that is why we are particularly close is because we have a past life together... wow! i still feel the strong emotion from it.... i will have to analyze this dream more... i will pray to God to help me discern... it may mean something that i have to learn and realize in my waking life... something that i see as inhuman but is in actuality far more sacred... i have half-promised not to blog... but that dream needed release... i hope i will not miss the message that it is telling me... i suddenly remembered my silent friend... i wonder, if there is any dream that disturbs her? maybe... she has trouble sleeping, too... whom does she share them with? for me, i have an entire world to help me figure things out... and an Almighty God to make sure i don't get caught in a nightmare by screwing things up... from today's catextism : " faith is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted in spite of your changing moods." C.S.Lewis

28days... and sort of going public

i went to hear the 4pm mass alone today... yes, i am mostly healed... only my hand still bothers me and my amazing sleep pattern that is not particularly restful. after the mass i thought i would buy some bibingka for the park was littered with them stalls... but there were many people who have the same idea... so i thought, i'll just skip it and buy donuts instead... then from the corner of my eye... i saw some one familiar... my friend issa and her hubby... eating there... aha! she hasn't seen me since the last she visited so... i thought i'll surprise her... and indeed she was... pretty na daw ako uli... and she loved my hair! of course i have to retell the story for gus but it's okay... he said it doesn't show much... they treated me for puto bumbong and we chatted for a while and then they dropped me home... nice no? my 4th public appearance and i lit 14 candles for a million wishes, said a million thank yous to God and i get to meet friends too... and take some flickr shots... sweet! oh! you didn't know that i had a third public appearance... last friday night... i get to watch my cousin-priest's band's concert...( the levites -- an all priest band from our diocese) i thought it okay because it was nearby and it was night... no sun to harm my skin... it was a nice one... they have a new repertoire... unlike during the past times i get to watch and i sort of memorized all their songs na... anyhow... even if the crowd was energyless, the audience being mostly old folks... being a church fund raising show... the message was really nice and i thought it nice to have ended the month of november with such grace... as i said in my flickr photo... i started the month with a blast that changed me... i ended it with another one that sustained me... ain't God grand!? so... what to do tomorrow? almost work... study and my sketches... maybe i'll try to shun away from my cyberself for a while... i'm running out of thoughts to share... somehow... i seem to want something else to do to channel my energy... i'll think of something... i'm best at that naman... me pa? from today's catextism: you will never cease to be the most amazed person on earth at what God has done for you on the inside. -- Oswald Chambers indeed!

of sexy angels and silly soldiers

this is an import from my other blog because i didn't have time to update this one last thursday... due to my siblings' need for the computer... anyway.. i will just add additional thoughts on the subject... see below... :) just a little more love just a little more peace is all it takes to live and dream to walk hand in hand we've got to understand that one day soon we'll live in harmony...

Victoria's Secret Fashion Show 2006 - Part 1

[via FoxyTunes / Victoria's Secret]

i just love watching the victoria's secret fashion show... they give sexiness a happy and fun personality... they are sexy... but never improper nor vulgar, or of bad taste nor perverse.

Victoria's Secret Fashion Show 2006 - Part 2

[via FoxyTunes / Victoria's Secret]

the models are really a delight to watch... they all look like they are having a lot of fun...even if all of it was work... though they are not wearing much.. they make it look cute and sexy and not nasty and indecent...

Victoria's Secret Fashion Show 2006 - Part 3

[via FoxyTunes / Victoria's Secret]

and you know, too, that it is the collective creative effort of so many people behind the scene -- everyone... from the designers to the models, makeup artists, stylists, production people, staffs and crew... they each show so much effort...

Victoria's Secret Fashion Show 2006 - Part 4

[via FoxyTunes / Victoria's Secret]

it's just something that makes you feel you are part of the fun and creative atmosphere... even if you are just watching.

Victoria's Secret Fashion Show 2006 - Part 5

[via FoxyTunes / Victoria's Secret]

there's a new one out and my siblings and i were waiting for it on cable but... it has yet to be shown... i was going to write more about the new victoria's secret fashion show... but another news caught my attention today.... another hotel siege just today! i guess, these are really trying times for the country... we just weathered a couple of typhoons and now on the news is something of a mutiny from the infamous magdalo group... at the manila pen, no less... wow! why do they like hotels? sosyal naman nila... siguro, para maganda accommodations... oh well... anyway, i guess, i should really be worried... but as it is... i am not... why question the path of circumstances... fate has a hand on things... God knows each movement and thought of every little soul there is... a battalion of soldiers who seem to lose hope and faith in the government is not something to escape His attention... i'm sure God will protect the filipino people... there are just things that have to be learned in all these... sana lang, all those concerned will have wisdom enough to discern rightfully... and not ignore the obvious problem... for the soldiers who are meant to protect the people are confusing...too aggressive, they act too harshly and not thinking right... not calm at all... they were meant to break the tension not be the cause of tension... maybe they should have just watched the victoria's secret fashion show... so there, the country had another new story to bask in... mud slinging and buck passing to the maximus... in all the reactions i read on the papers and heard on commentaries... one thing emerges... the scorn towards the rashness of last thursday's coup attempt... sigh. it was really a stupid thing to do... to think that they are supposedly bright soldiers... young officers with so much idealism and love for country... sigh, again. i know many doesn't like the way the government is dealing with the country's problems... many, still, hate the president for her many lacks... but still... but still... sigh, again. whoever is to lead us from the harm that we ourselves may be causing... my favorite book... calls the filipinos as " a people who eat fire and drink water..." yeah! we are... we... are so still... are... even if the setting of that book was ages ago... the essence still applies today... because we hope that one day we will learn from our mistakes... sigh, again. i don't have any suggestions except prayers... may all our heroes from the past revolutions pray for this country... and all the new heroes pray and act accordingly... that includes you and me... dear Lord, please heal this broken land of ours...