today (july26) was intense... in a thinker kind of way...the memory of saturday's mid-day outburst and the evening painting's breakthrough was still about when i began my day... but i spent the rest of it getting lost... getting lost many times... literally and figuratively... i didn't know that tagging along with my mom and uncle to a distant relative's funeral will make me realize that i really don't know everything about my own town... from seeing relatives i haven't met before... to the outskirts of town where i have never been... to the little farm which i haven't visited in years... to trooping to the mall with the sibs to a celebrity meet and greet... i get to view the different levels of provincial life... same reason i'm awake this early hour wanting to write about the day... but my thoughts seem to be lost, too. will go look for them...
I go about uncertain still... on this supposed clean-slate -day. Woke up with someone insisting i look at the darkness, not understanding that what i do prefer to look at is the lightplay... I watched a butterfly aching to be free -- fluttering about my window screen... Looking back at it now, it surely must be a metaphor. My dream was weird as always... but this one involves people i know, summed up in several words: a cousin's wedding, a baby, eating chocolate toffee and wanting to kiss someone... Is it a yearning? Maybe... like my subconscious is telling me something... Around me, everyone seem to melt... at a point, I along with it... but I have come to realize that what is melting is a film of wax, something that was shielding me before... Maybe now, I am meant to be exposed... to shape me... must be meant to be such...
My thoughts are scattered in little notebooks... unread and lost in the corners of my drawers... I stand here, somewhere in the cold walls... still uncertain of the wills of the universe... Problem arises with those about and so I am detained... I can't really tell... Maybe a swift decision, a lapse of judgment, plain silliness... I'll go check... but can I really? Later the vampire will attack... even in broad daylight. And I don't have any stake to drive into it's heart...
mbtc/072109
***wrote this a couple of days ago in one of the little notebooks i carry along... photograph is also from b... still have a couple more of his photos that i have to make entries with... thanks for letting me use it, sir! next time ulit! :)
