these faces...

these faces... Originally uploaded by * jdt...

" If you want to study yourself -- look into the hearts of other people. If you want to study other people -- look into your own heart." --- Friedrich von Schiller ***i woke up early for this... remembered this sketch that i was supposed to blog about and didn't... but as you know my memory ain't the best lately... anyway, i drew this sketch while waiting for my turn at the bank sometime last week... half sleepy and dozing off a couple of times... i didn't bring my sketch pad because i wanted to write... but the pen i brought along had a broken nib and the ink runs at each stroke... so i chose to sketch instead... the weird thing is i can see faces outlined from the different sections of this sketch as i draw... the lines would resemble a profile... eyes, mouth and nose... i sure am not good with drawing faces only trees... but maybe it's just me and my sleepy self seeing things... but as i look at it now... indeed! some of them are there... who are they... pieces of the self waiting recognition... people in my life waiting attention... or people i've yet to meet... waiting for our paths to cross... i dunno... i just know they are there...

the best chocnut icecream ever!

m-trip blessing # 2: got to eat the best chocnut icecream ever! Originally uploaded by * jdt...

*** the sibs and i went to a sudden trip to makati to meet with cousins... i made sure we dropped by the ayala museum to see kuya emong's exhibit... wasn't sure he'll be there... but what do you know... he was! happy to finally meet you, kuya emong! :) ps: if we arrived a few minutes later... would probably have miss them... galing talaga ni God sa timing! :) and then we met cousin ron (a bit later than expected) and went to trilogy boutique&canteen for dinner... he has just moved to a building at the same street and was happy enough to try the place with us... it was really worth traveling from bulacan.... they have the best chocnut ice cream! :) ps: we even saw a celebrity but was too shy to say hi... hehe... but we'll surely come back one day. :)

come fly with me...

come fly with me...
Originally uploaded by * jdt...

" Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. Love me and I may be forced to love you." --- William Arthur Ward

gathering the signs on a sunday

A couple of weeks ago, I asked God for signs just to help me decide on what to do next... knowing full well that I may either jumble things up or miss them entirely, just to be safe, I chose the things that suprised or shocked me... meaning, regardless if they were really the signs... since they have shock value... they get the vote... so, here they are --- Day1: dropped the jar of salt but it didn't break; Day2: a little frog leaped at my feet almost making stumble; Day3: a quick trip to the adoration chapel and chanced upon two titas; Day4: a cousin texted unexpectedly to invite; Day5: remembered a sketch I was supposed to do but didn't, suddenly door bell rings and it's the same client that need it; Day6: opened freezer door and ice almost dropped on me; Day7: going out the back door, little kitten, match came charging at me; Day8: touring kins in the garden and a dragonfly landed on a leaf next to me; Day9: I thought, I only have this much money in my atm turns out I have a little extra; Day10: saw a rainbow across the gray sky (it was sunny and raining at the same time) so late in the afternoon; Day11: awesomely shaped clouds at the north horizon ; Day12: got a finger cut while chopping veggies --- It's officially one week since and I still have no idea what they mean... they may mean nothing... but for the thinker that I am... everything always mean something... not necessarily what they mean at face value but what they mean to me from some other angle... I am weird that way... But I think the best way to look at all these is to try to understand what each item/moment mean to me personally... taking to consideration the places they occurred and if there were people involved... not just what is nice and good... even the not so good meanings... must take that, too... So, let's do this! Think, J! Open your heart and mind.

only half

You tell me if I have it wrong... Or maybe not... Would it be easier to be? Or be gone just like that? Am I worthy of your attention? Or it's all imagination? I've got nothing but uncertainty And half forgotten dreams... jdt/082609/mbtc

5 cycles

5 cycles Originally uploaded by * jdt...

" We are not born all at once, but by bits. The body first, and the spirit later; and the birth and growth of the spirit, in those who are attentive to their own inner life, are slow and exceedingly painful. Our mothers are racked with the pains of our physical birth; we ourselves suffer the longer pains of our spiritual growth." --- Mary Antin, 1912 *** I do not remember what I wished for... I do remember a voice in my head saying, "it's going to be okay..." somehow... I believe it... Thank you po, God! :) ps: a cousin took this shot but i used the in-camera editor to process it...

birthday eve

birthday eve
Originally uploaded by * jdt...

*** just had a birthday eve dinner with the clan... i guess it's akin to me to cook for them... (although i'm just a so-so cook... i figured, i got the knack for feeding people from my grandmothers... inang (mom's) makes great dishes... and nanay (dad's) makes great desserts... and then there's my mom who loves to cook, too... they always say in greeting...'kumain ka na ba?' that is of course, typical pinoy trait... our love for food ) any how, thanks to all those who came! and thanks to cousins,inc. for the cake! part 2 tomorrow... :)

oh, it's after midnight... happy birthday to me! :)


ps: i'm a day late in posting this... :)

still chasing eos

still chasing eos
Originally uploaded by * jdt...

"...yesterday was intense, today won over tomorrow and next week... why didn't i figure that out in the first place..." -- jdt


*** I started the week trying to catch up with God's spontaneity... searching for signs... but as it is, I start everything deep and end up rather silly... because God has planned to keep things simple... What was the quote from the last upload? "The obscure we see eventually. The completely obvious, it seems, takes longer." -- Edward R. Murrow... That still so applies... I'm predicting, later today, I'll be like fruits in a fruit shake, tomorrow, I'll be a shaken snowglobe... but then... who knows... 'panalo si God sa pagkaspontaneous' ... I may end up catching Eos after all... :)

some sundays again

"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way. Something to be got through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life." -- Fr. Alfred D'Souza do you realize that it's not the same as yesterday? no matter how many signs you look for, you may never notice... do you realize it sounded rather differently now? it is not as inspiring as that half remembered melody... how many more early mornings will you find yourself awaken? only to forget the dream that you wake up from... a big chunk of you wants to go back... retrace, do it over... but, alas! you can not remember the way. all you have is a map sketched in your mind, with landmarks familiar but distant... and your guides are gone, long before they gave you directions... poor little tourist, you are lost in the unfamiliar again... lost in thought.. in memory... but what is your memory -- half sentences hurriedly written on paper... spoken on walls, mumbled in the air... the vampires and gargoyles will always hover about... and they will feed on your fear... sucking out your energy... but only if you let them... do you remember when you were slightly braver? you didn't know how to swim but you jumped into the water and realized it was only knee deep. today, you are in a similar place... the sun's just a bit bright in your eyes which made you dazed for the moment... you'll be fine as you walk along... you can not search for the flash of lightning when you have the sun, you must not wait for the foghorn to signal the right moment because every moment is the right moment. run along now, this is your day... be blessed beyond belief! the photo from fave flickrfriend, b... super thanks, ulit, mike! :) last line from a fave twittergirl, s... a true inspiring soul... super thanks! :)

a dozen to go

" Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, and live along some distant day into the answer." --- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet I feel the energy being sucked out of me... and I think I'm a willing victim... but the vampire is asleep... this must be another enemy, then... some gargoyle casting shadows hovering and waiting for the right moment... ready to strike terror and feed on my soul... I can not unthink the thoughts anymore than I can unspeak words. Everyone must have some things to deal with one way or another... a regret to live with, a mistake to learn from, a fear to master... There is no escaping situations, the only way out is through. And even if I did get to run away... I will still end up being here... I have read somewhere that God will always take us back to a certain situation until we get the lesson... I have been looking for that article over the past year but I never did find it... I would chance upon quotes and lyrics... similar but not quite... It has lead me to believe that... these lines, these quotes... they will only leap from the page at the right moment that I need them... But when is the right moment? My mind has been on automatic reset every time I thought of something clever to write... May be I should blame the vampires and the gargoyles... That is easier... Less effort to understand and look for clarity... But they are here to cast shadows, right? And what is my favorite lightplay without the shadows... The shadows can not hurt me... I have a Great Sheild... In time all will be revealed... let me not be asleep then...

again

there is nothing here but space a blank wall awaiting your touch but cringes at the sight of you there is nothing there but a path a distant bridge awaiting your steps but fades soon as you veer towards it there is nothing there but a secret soul a being forgotten unaware yet knowing unseeing yet observing there is nothing there i'm already here or am i really?

some sundays

I woke up from some dream and realized my finger was still smeared with dried paint... like that of an ink mark when you vote... (I have spent most of last night... on flickr, twitter and my fb farms that I forgot... the last thing I posted was my flickrbday photo linked to all my sites... taglined "you can make a difference." With the wind swooshing every now and then... I scurried off to bed... lulled by the sound of it... ) It's still pretty early... considering I slept late. From the half forgotten dream, people I know run through my head... claiming clarity but never offering them... then the usual what ifs and whys ushered themselves in... but I was urged to write something and all those words sounded so good in my head so I got up and debated with myself a while... and gave in... and then... ppffftt... nothing. So, even if I wasn't meant to farm at farmtown and farmville... (because I don't have to harvest until tomorrow) or tweet or check flickr... I spent the last half hour or so doing just that... hoping some juice comes out... My usernames best describe me... the thinker, the sleepyhead and Eos, the goddess of dawn. I am a sleepyhead who wakes up at dawn to think... gets? More so lately... because no matter how late I sleep, I still wake a couple of hours after... wanting to write... but then.... ppffftt... nothing. Sometimes , I wish I can record all my thoughts in a USB and then just download them... but there's probably a virus that's deleting all of them before I can hit save. Darn! So before I go back to the level of that which I have to think of all the 'unthinkers' I know... and hate them all over again... I'll go back to sleep... and hopefully be up in time for the late morning mass... There, I'll ask the Big Guy for some great anti-virus stuff... best of all... He's the only one I know who's always works like He's on stealth mode but you get to see the smiley icon saying He's online...

for the heart and light of the nation

for the heart and light of the nation
Originally uploaded by * jdt...

"Light gives of itself freely, filling all available space. It does not seek anything in return; it asks not whether you are friend or foe. It gives of itself and is not thereby diminished." --- Michael Strassfeld

*** the other version of this photo was for my mom last mother's day... i find it fitting to offer this to someone who had been the mother for all Filipinos... she, after all, has been light to our darkened nation. And with her gone, she leaves behind a tiny spark in everyone... for each of us to fan... so that we can all become light for our country... It's a great day to be a Filipino!

Salamat po, Pres. Cory!

President Cory Aquino, the ennobler

ennoble v, To make noble: "that chastity of honor . . . which ennobled whatever it touched, and under which vice itself lost half its evil" (Edmund Burke).; to elevate in degree, excellence, or respect; dignify; exalt: a personality ennobled by true generosity. We all mourn her passing... because she was our country's pillar of strength and faith... I feel that it was God's hand that dealt all these... as her family and the former president herself had said... they trusted in the will of God and had accepted it... Who are we to say '... sayang!'? Why do we dare question His will? We, who doubted Him ever so often in our own lives... even when His light and grace are right there in front of us... We go looking for the dark... We prefer to be unseeing... detached, self-righteous, self-absorbed and indifferent because we are afraid to suffer... She was not.

"Sister Lucia prophesied that she (Cory) is a gift from God and like all gifts from God she's meant to suffer..." Bishop Soc Villegas said: ".... she suffered instead of us, she suffered for us and because of us..." (spoken in a ceremony upon her arrival at the Manila Cathedral)

Cong. Teddy Boy Locsin,Jr.'s eulogy yesterday was one of the most touching... It is in his speech that I heard the word 'ennoble' and it hit me that it is the exact word that Pres. Cory is and was to everyone... Even in her death she have that sense of power... to ennoble even those who haven't met her at all... Filipinos or otherwise. Today, we bid her farewell... We must all be glad that now we have a mother who is praying for all of us from heaven. And like all children, we should learn to from her lessons... do our bit... be ennobled. " ... Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, Philippines... because you loved my mother. " --- Kris Aquino (excerpt from her interview on The Buzz last Sunday)

President Maria Corazon Sumulong Cojuanco-Aquino July 25, 1933 - August 01, 2009 my sister summed it all up in her twitter post... A Mother... A President... A Filipina... and if i may add... The Ennobler. PAALAM... AT MARAMING SALAMAT PO!

these wee hours

can i catch up? or am i too late? true to my self-contradicting self, i am in a soul trek but i have a feeling, i had either ... hit a road block... made a detour... or took a wrong turn... and am now running in circles... quite uncertain if i can finish this leg... even more uncertain if i am in the right race... i had been waking up in the wee hours many times over the past weeks... with the urge to write my thoughts down... but none of them made enough sense... and before i could even start, my own brain threw them all away... something is there - out there, maybe even near... a surprise, waiting for the right moment. i sense it... i hope i'm ready for it... i hope i'm worthy of it... but like everything lately, the when, where and what are most uncertain... so it's really either, i'm lost or i'm almost there... i am tired... but i'm not giving up.