these wee hours

can i catch up? or am i too late? true to my self-contradicting self, i am in a soul trek but i have a feeling, i had either ... hit a road block... made a detour... or took a wrong turn... and am now running in circles... quite uncertain if i can finish this leg... even more uncertain if i am in the right race... i had been waking up in the wee hours many times over the past weeks... with the urge to write my thoughts down... but none of them made enough sense... and before i could even start, my own brain threw them all away... something is there - out there, maybe even near... a surprise, waiting for the right moment. i sense it... i hope i'm ready for it... i hope i'm worthy of it... but like everything lately, the when, where and what are most uncertain... so it's really either, i'm lost or i'm almost there... i am tired... but i'm not giving up.